If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
