Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
