I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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