you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
