i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
