Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
COCAINE IS GR8
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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