Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
