i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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