Barsexuality is the new black.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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