i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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