so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
