I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
