it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
