Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
