I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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