I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
