The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
