my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
