I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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