I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
