Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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