Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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