Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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