She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
