her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
