Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
