I hate your face
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
