if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
