if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
