i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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