Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
