Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
