I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
