I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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