Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
