listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
