These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
