So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
