what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
