Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
