At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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