we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
