There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
