Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
