I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
