She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize