It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
