they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
