Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The air was thick with penises
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
