My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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