you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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