i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They took my balls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
