Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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