i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got inside last night via doggy door
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
