i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
