do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
