Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
