I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i think my cat just said my name.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
