he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
