So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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