He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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