I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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