You're so nebulous sometimes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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