omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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