I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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