Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
