I'm jealous of your bromance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
