Screwed.edu
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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