Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
