operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
