you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
