shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
