A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
