This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
