She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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