I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
