I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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