Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
