Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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