and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
