Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
