Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
