And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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