yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
