its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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