i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
