I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
