Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
