I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
