We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
