I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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