ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
