I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
