Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
