i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
