we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
