Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
