I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
