So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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