Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
