Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
