I'm sorry my penis didn't work
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize