hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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