First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
