i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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