i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the raccoons are back...
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