Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
