if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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