So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
