Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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