I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Welp...herpes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
