just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
