If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
