I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
