The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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